My Story.. Part 2
In my last blog I shared with you about my experience eight years ago on Good Friday….
I met Jesus….
So, what happened next?
Well, after the night I said a prayer and committed my life to Jesus, I began to live in a battle, which would take me on an interesting journey…
When I first came to faith, I recall getting so busy! I was helping on the church worship team, the youth team and going to almost every social gathering possible, Alongside this, I was recording my own songs, working for a radio station part time, and trying to hold on to relationship after relationship, all whilst attending full time college.
The thing is, despite all my efforts to lead a good life, pursue a career in music, pursue what was a very messy love life and please God with church activities, I was actually missing something very basic, yet important…
My relationship with God!
I was missing what He had to say to me and something much greater which would play out over time.
In order to get me to realise this, God had to break me… I needed a miracle…
Break you? That doesn’t sound like fun! Why would God break you?
God broke me because I kept on asking him to.
I knew the person I wanted to be, but could not achieve this in my own strength. Even though I knew I had been forgiven of my sins and Jesus had already paid the price in full on the cross, I still wanted to have a deeper relationship with God. I longed to know His will for my life. I wanted to be free, to break out of old habits! Nevertheless, despite all my self effort and pride, I realised that actually, I needed a miracle!
Jesus often asked people questions rather than give them the answer straight away. God knew what I needed but He patiently waited for me to choose. To choose His way, to turn towards Him and entrust myself into His hands.
So yes, I had to be broken…. In order for God to lovingly put me back together.
After one year of knowing Jesus, I decided I wanted to be Baptised.
I remember how I felt going under the water. ‘I am dead to my old life and new life is here‘ This Life was pouring into my very being!
The pastor’s wife, a beautiful lady, with such a kind heart, read some verses from the Bible to me and as I was prayed for, the power of God’s Holy Spirit filled me and I began to pray in another language I did not understand ‘tongues’ and when I opened my eyes I was on my back, on the floor! No one had pushed me or hyped anything up! The spirit of God had touched me powerfully that day!
That day I felt ‘the pull’.
I knew in my heart that Jesus had a new life for me, but things in my past had caused me to lean on relationships for comfort and self-worth, and this had such a grip on me! You would think that after such a powerful encounter with God that I would have somehow been ‘zapped’ and everything would just fall into place right?
But I now know, God’s ways are not my ways. Sometimes, the real miracle is that God actually wants to walk with us on a journey, a process of learning, in order to grow and change into the person He wants to shape us into. He also gave us free will to choose!
I remember praying for Jesus to help me on the right path and that I would be free to walk with him.
I now know, at that time, I hadn’t matured as a person or dealt with past issues, to even be able to handle a relationship with another person in a healthy way. I remember getting on my knees one night in my room and praying for God to break my stubborn heart, so that I could be free to experience the life He wanted for me.
I felt God speak to me so clearly in my heart ‘Go to Swansea’
I had a friend living in Swansea, but had never been there before.
I rang my friend and asked if I could visit the next day. I think he thought I was going crazy when I said ‘God told me’
So the next day I got on a train to Swansea….
One of my friends had prayed for me previously to this happening and gave me a verse from the Bible:
Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the wilderness
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will Sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
“In that day,” declares the Lord,
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master.
I will remove the names of the Idols from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked…
I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
I will betroth you in faithfulness
But for now, I’m going to save it for my next blog 😉